First Published 11/24/05
Ahhhh…Thanksgiving. The start of the holiday season.
I got to thinking about the many, many events that have occurred in my life that I am forever thankful for.
It’s this time of year that I miss Mom and Dad the most. Dad has been gone for 15 years and Mom has been gone for 8 years. I have them in my heart and I think about them everyday, but at times like this, I WANT THEM HERE! I want to wrap my arms around them and hug them and thank them for all of their sacrifices and for their dedication to raising the eight of us-yeah; I have seven sisters-and all the while, making sure that we never went without!
I never understood that word without. Because we went “without” plenty! Dad worked in a scrap yard, making $75 dollars a week and also part time as a cop on the weekends to provide for his family. And he STILL found time to play catch with me and to take me fishing and read stories to me and coach me in baseball. He was and always will be my hero.
Mom was our family’s nurse, seamstress, cook, arbitrator and transportation manager. I remember when I had the mumps, she would stay up all night with me, keeping cold compresses on my forehead, cradling me in her arms and making sure that I was comfortable. She would make my sisters dresses. She would sew up the holes in my jeans and shirts and there were plenty of those. She made THREE meals a day for TEN OF US! She got us wherever we needed to go, if it was farther than our bicycles could reasonably take us. She was our judge and jury for the most part. Dad was the appellate court, but Mom’s verdicts usually stood up to the burden of proof. She was just an extraordinary woman.
And the sad part is that I didn’t know or appreciate how much they did for me and how much they meant to me when I was growing up. I didn’t understand the principles of discipline. I didn’t know that they were teaching me the difference between right and wrong. I didn’t know that they were helping me to develop the ideologies that would guide me through the rest of my life. They wanted me to be a good person. And I fought some of that, because I thought that they were just “being mean”. I didn’t understand why bedtime was 9:00 pm school nights; 10:00 pm on week ends! I didn’t understand why they said “no” a lot when I wanted them to say “yes”. I only understood, as I got older.
And as I got older, I also understood that I hadn’t been very nice to Mom and Dad. When I was in the hospital, dying from a bacterial infection, THEY NEVER LEFT MY SIDE! Dad’s boss at the time, Tony Oswald, had adopted our family and loved us very much and paid Dad during the whole time. That was 1969. Scrap yards didn’t have a “paid leave” policy back then. But they stayed with me for six, solid weeks and they begged God and the doctors not to let me die. Well, as a testament to their strength of love, here I am today.
But that period in my life changed my attitude. I didn’t CARE anymore, because a knee surgery that I didn’t want went bad and I hated everyone involved; coaches, doctors, hospitals and sadly, Mom and Dad. I dove into self-destructive activities and rebelled against them at every turn. But even then, they didn’t kick me out of the house, have me arrested or “disown” me, because they loved me. And I am so thankful for that, because it would have been very easy for me to kill myself. I was at the lowest point in my life. It was just Mom, Dad and me. All of my sisters were out of the house by then.
Thank God, I had an opportunity to “fix” my relationship between my parents and me. Funny thing is that THEY didn’t need to fix anything. It was all me. I had to fix it. I thought that I had to work to get their love and respect back, but I had it all along. I had been wrong about so many things that I was even wrong about that!
I HAD to show them that I was worthy of their love. I HAD to show them how sorry I was for treating them like common criminals. I HAD to show them how much I loved them. I HAD to make them proud of me once again…
I joined the fire service. Ding, ding, ding! Something that we were all very proud of. Especially Dad. He had been in the Army and he knew what I was talking about; drills, battalions, team. He soaked it up like a sponge. I bought him a scanner so he could listen in on us. I even said “hi” to him a couple of times over my radio. I never knew what he felt like; that pride that he had in me. But I do now. I’ll explain later. Mom was “mom”. She just worried that it was “awful dangerous”. She was my “safety officer”. Having her in my thoughts kept me on the right side of safety.
Dad was 72 when he passed away. Mom was 74. I had the privilege of spending 40 years with Dad and 45 with Mom. And I got to spend it with them. I never moved from the area. I could stop by and eat with them, talk to them, do things around their house for them and buy and give them things. Yeah; give them things. I wanted to spoil them! They didn’t have pensions. They had Social Security. I gave them money and bought them whatever they needed. It was the least I could do. And I also realized that I loved them so very much and that I didn’t ever want anything bad to happen to them. They were too good for that! But unfortunately, dying is a part of Life.
But they DIDN’T die. They are with me everyday!
And I am thankful for that. They are with me especially during the holidays, but it is tough! It is just Kim and me. The house will NOT be full of family. With Mom and Dad gone, our “family” gatherings are no longer. My sisters are spread out all over the country and no one seems to see an importance of getting together as family. Our son is married now and they and THEIR son are spending their Thanksgiving as a family.
So, it will be Kim, me, Chopper and Bucky. We’ll have turkey, mashed yams, an assortment of vegetables, wheat bread stuffing, and for dessert, we’ll have pumpkin pie.
And I will feel so much love for my family and for Mom and Dad. I will hope that I am a lot like Dad. I can still feel Mom’s hand on my shoulder and her “please be careful” in my ear.
I am thankful for what I have. I owe it ALL to Mom and Dad. I didn’t thank them enough when they were here, so I continue to thank them everyday.
They made the holidays so joyous and wonderful. And as corny as it sounds; though we didn’t have much at Christmas, there was never-and I mean never-a shortage of their love. I know that now.
I am thankful. I am grateful and I am humbled by their time spent with me.
For those of you who have your parents with you today?
Sit back and gaze out over the room and see the love; feel the love!
And be thankful for every minute that you have with them.
That’s the reason for the season.
God bless.
Also on Chief Reason …
- Tell Her Before It’s Too Late! – May 8, 2010
- Observing 9/11 – September 7, 2010
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