Vinnie was still struggling with the death of his friend, Eddie. The entire incident was just so screwed up! He was feeling enormous guilt.
Had Missy told Eddie that she had feelings for me?
Had I said or done anything to mislead Missy into thinking that I wanted her?
DID Eddie know?
Did Missy mention me by name to Eddie?
Vinnie didn’t want to think that he was responsible for Eddie’s death, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Was Eddie thinking bad thoughts about me when he pulled the trigger?
Why didn’t he come after me, if he knew Missy wanted ME instead of HIM?
Vinnie convinced himself that Eddie didn’t know that he was the “someone else”. And he wasn’t about to ask Missy about any of it!
Vinnie had been avoiding Missy ever since the funeral for Eddie. Knowing how she felt about him made him very uneasy. He thought of her as a friend and had never thought of her in any other way. But he kept thinking that he may have said or done something that led her to think it was more serious than a friendship.
There was that one time that he drove her home from the bar, because she was too drunk to drive herself. Eddie was out of town and Vinnie promised Missy that he wouldn’t say anything to him about it. Missy tried to kiss Vinnie and Vinnie thought that it was because of the alcohol. He had kept his promise not to tell Eddie.
Could that secret be the connection to Vinnie that Missy felt? Was she confusing Vinnie’s act of chivalry with an emotion as strong as Love?
Thinking about it made Vinnie’s head hurt.
Why would anyone so young take their own life over a relationship?
How could anyone have such a strong emotional attachment to someone that you would kill yourself over them?
Dammit, Eddie; why didn’t you leave a note or something?
Why didn’t you talk to me about it?
Vinnie knew that, sooner or later, he was going to have to face Missy and tell her that he didn’t want a serious relationship with her. And he was already worrying about what her reaction would be.
Vinnie needed to talk to a pro; not necessarily a psychiatrist, but someone older and wiser. Vinnie picked up the phone and called Jake.
“Jake? It’s Vinnie. Can I come over and talk to you?” asks Vinnie.
Jake could tell by Vinnie’s tone that something was really bothering him and without hesitation, Jake said, “Sure” and hung up. Jake hustled around and picked up his place a little.
The doorbell rang and Jake went to the door. Vinnie was standing there with a pained expression on his face.
“What’s up, Cowboy?” asks Jake.
Without answering, Vinnie came through the door.
“Let’s go to the kitchen; less distractions there”, says Jake.
They sat down at the kitchen table and Vinnie was fumbling with his fingers.
“Vinnie; you wanted to talk. Remember? says Jake.
“Yeah”, says Vinnie.
“Then you need to say something”, prods Jake.
“This thing with Eddie and Missy is really eating at me. It’s all I can think about. As soon as I wake up until I go to bed again, I can’t stop thinking about it. Hell; I guess I even think about it when I sleep, because I’m having dreams, too. And now, the whole thing with my dad is coming back again”, says Vinnie.
“What’s this thing with your dad?” asks Jake.
“Dad committed suicide just before I graduated from college. He did it with a 12 gauge shotgun”, says Vinnie.
“Damn, Vinnie; why’d he do it?” asks Jake.
“I don’t know. He never left a note; no explanation”, says Vinnie.
“I think back and I wonder if it was something I did; something I didn’t do. I can’t seem to find the answer”, says Vinnie.
“What does your mom say about it?” asks Jake.
“We don’t talk about it. I can’t get up the nerve to ask Mom about it”, says Vinnie.
“Have you asked the cops about it? Maybe they could shed some light on it”, says Jake.
“No; I haven’t seen an “official” report, if that’s what you mean”, says Vinnie.
“What I mean is; maybe they have information that could help you that wasn’t necessarily in the final report”, says Jake.
“I don’t know, Jake. Maybe I don’t want to know, you know? I mean; what if he was having an affair or something? I wouldn’t want to know that. I want to remember Dad for the good things that he did. If there was another side to him, then that means that I didn’t know him at all. And I think that would be worse than not knowing why he killed himself”, says Vinnie.
“So; you don’t want to know why your dad killed himself, if it means finding out about things that you didn’t know about him? How are you going to get closure to that part of your life if you’re not willing to risk finding the truth; or lies, for that matter”, says Jake.
“I’m afraid that it will change the way that I feel about him”, says Vinnie.
“Why would it? Your dad obviously loved you enough NOT to expose you to that side of him, whatever that was and even with his death; he made sure that you would never know. Whether you want to believe that he wasn’t being honest with you; well, that’s what you have to find out. You might find out that it wasn’t another woman or a gambling problem or even problems with your mom. I doubt that he had an elaborate plan to commit suicide. Maybe it just snuck up on him in a moment of weakness. The mind can unleash some very powerful emotions that most of us can control. But in others, it can TAKE control and cause you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do. Maybe it was something that happened when your dad was much younger and like you, didn’t seek the answers to it. You need to find out, Vinnie or it will eat you up inside and eventually take control of you, if it hasn’t already. It might come at the most inopportune time; like when you’re on the tip of the ladder or at a car wreck or at the laundromat. You won’t pick the time or place. IT will! Does any of this make any sense?” asks Jake.
“You’re saying that I should talk to Mom?” asks Vinnie.
“I’m saying to go where the answers might be. If that is your mom, then go there. If you’re not sure that she even knows, then talk to the cops. Personally, I’d go to the cops first. That way, you can help your mom, if she didn’t know. And I think that she would also want to know. Maybe she’s carrying your dad’s death around with her too. Or she could be protecting you, just like your dad did. You have to understand, Vinnie, that parents have a duty to protect their children from harm; both physical and mental. Outside of school, it’s the parents who decide what you should know or don’t know. As kids get older, they start making their own decisions, based upon how they were taught to process the information by Mom and Dad. I guess you could call them “morals”. Regardless, it is done out of love, though it might not seem like it at the time”, says Jake.
“So, I’ll talk to the cops, first thing tomorrow”, says Vinnie.
“What else you got?” asks Jake.
“There’s this thing with Missy”, says Vinnie.
“What; you got a thing for her?” asks Jake.
“Quite the opposite, Jake. She’s OK, but the only reason I know her is because she and Eddie were always together or at least, it seemed like it. I never thought of her as someone that I’d like to…you know; DATE”, says Vinnie.
“So; she had a thing for you?” asks Jake.
“Apparently. She told Eddie that she wanted to date other guys and I guess that I was at the top of her list. Know what I mean?” asks Vinnie.
“Yeah; I have that problem a lot. Are you kidding? The women aren’t exactly forming a line outside of my door. Besides; ah, nevermind”, says Jake.
“No; what were you going to say?” asks Vinnie.
“Uh, it’s just that Joey and Sara thinks that their mom and I will get back together”, says Jake.
“The kids think that?” asks Vinnie.
“Well…hey; I thought you were here for my advice?” asks Jake.
“I think that we might have the same problems and they’re female”, says Vinnie.
“Let’s just stick with your female problems. That didn’t come out right, did it?” asks Jake.
“Not really; the truth is that Missy was kinda wanting me to ask her out, but I have a hard time thinking about her in that way with Eddie and all”, says Vinnie.
“Are you seeing someone else?” asks Jake.
“Actually, I have someone that I’d like to get serious with, but I don’t think that she even knows that I’m alive”, says Vinnie.
“A girl back home? Someone local? Come on, man; who is it?” asks Jake.
“She’s a firefighter,” says Vinnie.
“That’s cool; you’ll have a lot in common. What department?” asks Jake.
“She’s on our department,” says a somewhat embarrassed Vinnie.
“Ah; dammit, Vinnie…”
The Adventures of Jake and Vinnie© is pure fiction. Any similarities to the people, places or situations portrayed in the continuing saga are purely coincidental. The Adventures of Jake and Vinnie© is the intellectual property of Art Goodrich a.k.a. ChiefReason and cannot be re-produced in any form without the expressed permission of the author.
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